Kanye West 808s & Heartbreak
He's sad and he sings . . . I know I was surprised I like it too.
Girl Talk Feed the Animals
If this makes me an 18 year old party girl wearing tight purple American Apparel pants, so be it. I love Laptronica.
Beck Modern Guilt
Danger Mouse and Beck . . . together. This has probably been on my stereo more than any other album this year.
Fleet Foxes S/T
I first heard this album in the dead of summer. It still made me dream of frolicking in the snow with elves, fairies, and friendly foxes who speak English.
Noah and the Whale Peaceful, The World Lays Me Down
If Wes Anderson and Noah Baumbach made ironic love and somehow conceived a baby (I think Wes would be the woman), this band would be their offspring.
The Hold Steady Stay Positive
It's weird to get from "feel good track of the year" from a band who primarily focuses on glue-sniffing rants from a lead singer that falls somewhere between Flannery O'Connor and Charles Bukowski, but the title track picks me up every time. They're one of my favorite bands, so any album is gonna make my lists.
Bon Iver For Emma, Forever Ago
I'm gay for sad singer-songwriters. I'll sit and cry for hours over this Emma chick. It's how I get shit out . . . I suppose it's better than punching a wall. Or is it?
-- The "Father Who Just Left His Family Five Days Ago" Beard
-- The "Drunk Who Has Been Shanghaied And Is On His Tenth Day At Sea" Beard
-- The "Stockbroker Who Sold Apple Stock Before The iPod" Beard
-- The "First Day of 'Fuck It" Beard
-- The "Greatest Girlfriend Ever Just Left After Three Amazing Months" Beard
-- The "End Of The Three Day Music Festival" Beard
-- The "Kyle Kinane" Beard
Somewhere along the line, I've become the asshole of the family. My aunts used to say, "You're a comedian, but you don't even talk." What I wanted to say was, "Because you never shut up." But I didn't and just made a point to talk more. Now that I have, it seems the running joke against me is that I'm the asshole. My aunt gave me coal for Christmas and everyone thought it was hilarious. My mom just told my cousin that if he starts to sound like me, she'll kill him. Everyone agreed. I think I'll skip family holidays from now on.
I'm still in Breckenridge with the family. Last night I put on my best Christmas sweater and went with my family to a fondue restaurant. I drank enough red wine to think it's a good idea to throw a snowball at my dad afterward. It hit him in the eye and he was pissed. My cousin Greg (pictured below) just turned 21 and he wanted to go out bar hopping. I had two Beam on the rocks when my festive uncle showed up and started buying shots. I remember drinking two Jagers and the next thing I know, I'm waking up on the floor of our rental house. Here's a list of things I'm told I did, but don't remember:
1) Bet my cousin Emily $20 that her boyfriend "wasn't that serious"
2) Started pouring shots of Jim Beam back at the house
3) Went in the jacuzzi . . . only after I stripped off my clothes and threw them at my cousin Taylor
4) Ran through the snow in my wet boxers
5) Chugged a "mystery vodka drink" that my drunken uncle made
I'm vlogging for AOL's Asylum now. Here's the first video:
Rhonda: Did you hear they're thinking of overturning Proposition 8 since there are so many lawsuits against the state and they can't afford it?
Grandma: You know, I know I sound old-fashioned, but I don't think they should be allowed to be married. They can have a legal contract but not say they're married.
Me: Why?
Me: Throw out the ham then. The Bible says we shouldn't eat pork.
Rhonda: Oh, that was just because people weren't storing pork right back then.
Me: (thought, but not said out loud) Maybe they just weren't storing their gay cock right back then.
Me: (what I really said) Okay, but religion can't be used to justify government policies. Religion is supposed to be kept separate.
Rhonda: I just don't want them to call it the same thing. They can't say their married. Can't they just call it "Faggy." (swear to homophobic God she said this).
Me: Really?
Rhonda: No, I'm just saying they could call it something else.
Me: Okay, but doesn't that sound like the same problems they had during the Civil Rights Movement. Separate but equal? You guys can have a water fountain, but it has to be different than our water fountain.
(long pause)
Grandma: I do like that Ellen though.
Now I'm in the warm embrace of my family. Within one hour, my aunt told me that she doesn't really like me that much anymore. She wasn't joking. The reason? Because I made one joke about her ex-husband's son . . . it wasn't even that mean, everyone else laughed.
