This is from the latest This America Life. They're all real.
1. Dentists report that cracked teeth are up due to people grinding them from stress.
2. Urologists report vasectomies are up. No one wants babies in this economy.
3. Traffic accidents are down. No one has anywhere to go.
4. Two women in Pennsylvania, in separate instances, robbed banks and immediately got cashier's checks to pay their rent.
5. Porn video sales are down 10 to 30%, depending on if you measure from the base or the balls.
6. Sharks attacks are down. No one can afford the beach.
Video I did for Asylum.com
We were making fun of comedians who print cheesy-ass jokes on their business cards when my buddy Ron decided to mock up his own. I've been laughing at it for a day.
Just wrote this list for Asylum.com. The biggest losermobile in cinema? Garth's Pacer? Cheech's Impala? The Ghostbuster's Cadillac Ambulance? Click here to find out: http://www.asylum.com/2009/03/25/the-top-10-losermobiles-from-the-movies/
I wrote this posting for Asylum.com. Take a look. It's funny: http://www.asylum.com/2009/03/23/get-a-free-day-off-claim-an-obscure-religious-holiday/
My girlfriend hated my old glasses, so I never wore them out. For my birthday, she just bought me not one, but two new pairs. You can't tell, but the top ones are olive colored frames. I look very Woody Allen in them . . . without all the success. The bottoms look black, but in the light you can see dark red. I'm back in the nerdcore phase again.
Eddie Murphy teamed with Michael Jackson.
Never has the filthiest mouth of the 80s looked gayer. This guy wrote Raw. My parents treated that like a snuff film. I had to watch it at a friends house, whose parents worked the nightshift at Circle K. It made me want to be a comic. As bad as Murphy is though, Jackson kings him in awkwardness. He sings the common Black phrase, "What's Up With You?" like he's a white woman giving birth to an unnatural word baby. When Eddie playfully pretends to box him, he flips his limbs like limp egg noodles.
Our chihuahua eats the shit out of some carrots. It's her favorite snack. The irony is we're worried about her eyesight. This morning when I took her for walk, she barked at the gate. The gate? It's not a threat or competitor. Maybe it's her criticism of the metaphoric gates that bound society. Probably not, she thinks the vacuum cleaner is a monster.
