Posts (page 2)
Timeline:
9:00 - Wake up very groggy. My girlfriend gave me a Xanax and glass of tequila the night before to stop the anxiety of turning 30.
9:30 - Crawl (and by crawl, I mean slug-crawl) out of bed. Put on clothes and walk dog.
9:45 - Look at computer, think about doing work, realize I'm almost finished with the book The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao and decide to read that instead.
10:30 - Finish book. Remember that it's overdue at the library and decide to return it. Put on my iPod playing Adam Carrola's Podcast (I think it's way better than his radio show was), grab the dog, and walk to the library.
11:00 - Return home. Feed dog. Start returning emails and trying to work. Shrug and figure I only turn 30 once, so I pour myself a glass of Patron over three ice cubes and squeeze in a little lime. Continue trying to work.
11:30 - Buzzed, I pour myself another drink. My mom calls. I usually ignore the call, but I'm buzzed and talking to her sounds good. She sings me happy birthday, all the way through. We chat until my phone dies. When I try to plug it back in, it doesn't work. My phone has officially died. For reals. No resuscitation.
12:30 - Work a little more. Then decide to go see The Watchmen.
1:00 - I smoke a bowl, walk to the corner bodega, buy a Miller Lie tall boy and some M&Ms, walk to the 84th St. theater, buy a ticket, and sneak my beer and candy inside.
1:35 - I dig the Watchmen. It's long, but I didn't notice. The superheroes seem to have more superpower strength than they should (i.e. more strength than in the book), but I thought the fight scenes were awesome and gory.
4:30 - Walk home, shower up, put on nice outfit because my girlfriend, Annie, said she's surprising me with a fancy dinner.
5:30 - Meet Annie after some confusion, due to the fact that my phone is dead. Head to the East Side.
6:20 - Walk by Ginger Man Ale House. I say, "This place is supposed to be awesome for beer." Annie says that we should stop in and ask directions to the restaurant. We go in, she says something to the bouncer, he looks confused, and we walk in. As Annie's talking to the bartender, another guy starts talking to Annie. I think he's just telling her directions, when I notice he has the same unique hoodie as my buddy Ron from LA. I make a mental note to tell Ron. Then I realize it is Ron! He's supposed to be flying to England right now, I just talked to him about it . . . when it hits me. He's surprising me for my birthday and Annie was in on it. There's no fancy dinner to go to.
7:30 - After drinking some great IPA, we head to the lower east side. We notice an underground bar advertising $5 for a Bud Light and a shot. We shrug and head in.
8:30 - A few rounds later, we head for pizza.
10:00 - We pretty drunk and full, so we part ways with Ron and head home.
Some sexy stuff happened at home that I won't mention. But the night ended with me, drinking a Miller Lite tall boy, eating a whole pint of Chunky Monkey, and watching Jimmy Fallon.
This is from the latest This America Life. They're all real.
1. Dentists report that cracked teeth are up due to people grinding them from stress.
2. Urologists report vasectomies are up. No one wants babies in this economy.
3. Traffic accidents are down. No one has anywhere to go.
4. Two women in Pennsylvania, in separate instances, robbed banks and immediately got cashier's checks to pay their rent.
5. Porn video sales are down 10 to 30%, depending on if you measure from the base or the balls.
6. Sharks attacks are down. No one can afford the beach.
